Serving Safe & Sound: You are Never Alone

Art by Emily Shay

Save the Date for our “Safe and Sound” Day of Service
September 10th from 9-11 am at the Stake Center (For ages 8 and up). 

When we're little, we’re usually afraid of the monsters in the closet, but as we grow up, we realize the true monsters live in our heads. Mental health is something I’ve struggled with for a little bit now, from low self esteem to suicidal thoughts, it’s certainly a trial I’ve been dealing with for a long time. For the first few years of this trial, I felt alone and I didn’t know how to properly deal with these terrible feelings I was experiencing, so I resorted to self harm. I felt no one could understand me, I would even say to myself “If there was really a God and he loved me, he wouldn’t do this to me, he wouldn’t let me feel this way.” It didn’t help that at the time I had a group of friends who were very hateful towards the church. They never ever encouraged me to hurt myself, however, they told me these feelings could be a result of me not being happy with my gender, and though it confused me, I believed them. As I tried to change myself by watching and listening to the media they told me about and changing my clothing style to look more masculine, I realized I still wasn’t happy, in fact, I was getting worse. I told my parents that I was getting better and that I wasn’t having suicidal thoughts or urges, but deep down I knew I was lying. I felt worthless, I felt hurt, I felt empty, and most of all, I felt alone. 

While I was at my worst, I prayed, even though I thought no one was on the other side listening to me, my dear mother always taught me to turn to prayer, because if you feel like you’re not worthy to pray, that’s the time you should pray the most. I got down on my knees and prayed through sobs. All the sudden, I had an urge to go on the church YouTube channel and watch a couple of the New Testament story YouTube videos. “Heh that’s weird.” I thought to myself “It’s not like it’ll make a difference.” I watched this video called “He is Risen.” As I was watching it, I got a feeling I hadn’t had in a really long time, I didn’t know what it was, but I knew it was important. I didn’t immediately start believing but slowly, as I watched more media put out by the church, I started to realize what was true. I realized that my old friends, though having cared about me, were not good for me specifically, or for my testimony. So though it was hard, I had to leave the group to save my testimony. I was alone for the while, and honestly I still wasn’t sure if the decision I made was right. After a little bit of time had passed, I started to find a new group where my beliefs were respected if not shared. I realized that this trial only made me stronger and that I was never alone in the first place, I just wasn’t looking for light in the right places. I was even sent a person who taught me that I am beautiful inside and out and that I was made in the perfect image. 

I can promise you that you are never alone. Remember when I mentioned monsters at the beginning? Sometimes, those monsters will overtake you and tell you that you are not enough, that you are worthless, and they might even say you need to change yourself. Although, the biggest lie they tell you; is that you’re alone. You are never alone! Christ knows exactly how you feel in perfect detail. He went through all your trials and pains and while he was suffering he thought of you and your life while feeling nothing but the most sincere, pure form of love. When this monster in our head surrounds us, he is always reaching out his hand, however, it’s our choice whether we choose to take it or not. I can say with no doubts that I am a precious, worthy daughter of God with a divine purpose. I can promise that you, yes you, listening to or reading this were made in a perfect image. You have more worth than you can comprehend and you are loved. Take his hand and let him destroy your monsters. Though the rules and laws we have seem hard, at the end of the day, the laws he gives are blessings that lead us to live better lives. Always remember, Christ is your guide through your maze of monsters and if you put in the effort to hear Him, you will be blessed.

- Meagan VanderToolen, Age 14, 37th Ward

I Know He Believes in Me

I choose to believe because through countless simple and strong tender mercies…I know He believes in me.

There is no possible way I can describe these sacred and sweet moments that have flooded my life, especially these last two years. I never saw coming what came. I never thought I would be fighting the mental battles that I witnessed so many courageous women fight every moment of every day. I never thought I would personally feel those dark places the mind can take you. I never thought I would know the deep despair the adversary relentlessly tries to compress into the hearts of His daughters. It is real. It is a battle. And it is one brave reach in trusting His hand, and the hands He sends, to give you that reassurance…you can do this…He believes in you…and after a simple yet strong reminder one afternoon in May, I held tight to the fact that I knew He believes in me too.

I needed to stop driving and breathe. I needed to stop and just let out the sadness, the fear, and the desperate cry to be given relief from all of it. With my wet and swollen eyes from the hours of tear filled pleading, I finally turned into the nearest church parking lot. The despair and worry was just too great. It was suffocating. Gratefully, I had a dear friend with me in the car, pleading her own prayer to Him for help. She didn’t need to say or do anything. All that mattered to me was that I wasn’t alone.

My despair grew deeper and my fear grew stronger. I wanted to quit. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was exhausted. How can this be happening to me? How can my once calm mind feel like storm raging every moment? Who was I anymore? I couldn’t do it. I was done.

Just as those thoughts came into my mind, another car pulled into that church parking lot. I looked over to see who it was. It was the sweet husband of my friend. I wanted to hide. I didn’t want anyone, especially him, to see me like that. My friends husband walked calmly towards us. He knocked on my window, and with the most peaceful and merciful smile, he told me everything was going to be ok. How did this good man find me? How did he know the mental battle I was struggling with that day? Even seeing the mess that I was, he never asked and never felt he needed to know why. This man knew He knew, and that was enough. This man just came, and shared hope. I could feel it. So, I looked up and by the slightest glance into this good man’s eyes, I knew He was there for Him. I felt in that moment it wasn’t just my friends on either side of me, but He was there and so many from the other side. He believed I could and would get through this. That this battle...all this I was fighting against in mind…will and is being made beautiful. I needed to just be patient. I needed to hold on tight. He believed in me. And that simple truth was enough to let my heart and mind breathe.

We find so many experiences in the scriptures of God finding people where they are, and extending a hand of undeniable confidence in whatever challenge they are faced with. He gives tokens of strength and resiliency to demonstrate His belief in our ability to get through the tests and trials given. He sees and knows we are stronger than we think we are. He sees us perfectly. Loves us unconditionally. He has armed me and you with everything we need to fight through those deeply personal tempests. And as we take His hand and look into His eyes, we will dwell with Him. In a place of peace...of joy...and discover a love He has for us that is profoundly powerful.

How can I not believe in Him who has perfect belief in me.

~Ashley Quist

Remember the Goodness of God

"This is such a strange time for all of us. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under our feet. There is so much uncertainty, but even when I feel alone, depressed, or struggle with gospel questions, I choose to remember all that He has done for me and believe. Recently, in General Conference, Elder Renlund reminded us, 'to remember each day the greatness of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and what They have done for you.' When I remember all the blessings I have been given, the answers to prayer, the personal revelation I have received, I cannot deny that He is there, that He loves me, and that His church is the true church. I choose to believe because I remember what He has done for me." - Natalie H.

Video 2: I Choose to Believe

Sisters in our stake explain why they choose to believe as they go through challenges and trials of life. Video 2 of 2.

Becoming True Disciples

This talk was given at the 2019 stake women's conference.
By Shelly Harrison

The other day, I was out doing my morning exercise route when I saw a huge backup of cars on a busy road. I thought to myself, "Oh no, an accident!" As I got closer, I saw a lot of people getting out of their cars and heading to the first car.

It looked like the driver was having car trouble in the middle of the intersection. Some people pulled over, got out of their cars, and jumped in to help this lady in her minivan, by pushing it to a safe place. Then there were a few extra men who stayed with her to see what they could do to help get her van working.

Photo from LDS.org. Used with permission

My thoughts were, "This is so heartwarming and amazing to see all the people jumping in to minister to her in a time of need."  I think many of us are always willing to help, especially in a crisis. But sometimes ministering may be easier when they are people we don’t know. Putting ourselves out there to minister to people we know can create some uncomfortable feelings inside us.

Let me explain… Anxiety, uncertainty, lack of confidence, feeling threated. feeling unprotected. This is the definition of INSECURITY. Is this how you feel when it comes to ministering? Maybe not for all of you, but for some, like me, it is.

Feeling Joy in Our Lives

by Courtney Hagberg

Growing up, I was raised in a home where my mother took us to church. My father was a member, but he was not active. He got baptized so that my mom would marry him. A year later they were sealed in the temple. He didn’t go back to the temple for 25 years.

Photo from LDS.org; used by permission

As a child, I didn’t realize what a sacrifice it was for my mother to take three kids to church by herself each week. She also worked and served as young women’s president several times. Now that I am a mother, my heart is beyond grateful that she stayed on the covenant path when it would have been so easy to not stay on the path.

As a teenager, I remember feeling sad and praying to my Heavenly Father and asking Him how to truly be happy. My prayer was answered in seminary. My seminary teacher asked the class, “Do you want to be truly happy and feel joy in your life?” Of course we all wanted that. He said the answer was to read our scriptures every day. I took that challenge and felt that joy.

Covenants Guide Us Back to God

by Lindsay Wall 
Women's Conference Publicity Chair

I know that the covenants we make and keep can truly lead us back to our Heavenly Father. I remember thinking many times in my life, especially during trials, that I wish Heavenly Father would just tell me exactly what I need to do! I wished He would just lay it all out for me, and I would do it. Then, one day, I realized He already has!

He has given us these covenants and simple commandments as a guide to follow so that we can feel the Spirit, so we can be blessed here on earth and for all eternity. I know that Heavenly Father gave us covenants because He loves us and He wants every opportunity to bless us--and the blessings are even greater than we can imagine! Keeping our covenants really can make us rejoice in life! We can be at peace and know the steps we need to follow.

Photo from LDS.org; used by permission

With that in mind, I also know that no matter how good we are at following and keeping our covenants, there are always going to be trials that make things hard. I know that not one of us is perfect and that the simple path He’s given us can seem really rough and full of temptation at times.

The best part, though, is that Heavenly Father has planned for that too. He’s molding us into who He wants us to be, and he’s also made a way for us to get back on course if we ever wander off. Keeping our covenants can get us through those hard times and make us stronger.

I know that our covenants were made for us to become closer to the Spirit, which helps us in every aspect of our lives. I know that there are so many things I, myself, need work on to become better at keeping my covenants, and I also know that that’s normal! This is the reason we’re here on earth--to be tested and to show that even when we falter, that we can get back up and try and do better at keeping our covenants the next day.

When I Entered the Temple, I Felt Like I Was Home

Photo of Mesa, Arizona temple from LDS.org. Used with permission.

by Erin Feik
As a young single adult after graduating from college I was looking for a job, and I knew I wanted to go where there would be a strong LDS singles group, and where there would be a temple. Eventually through prayer and seeking I took a teaching job in Phoenix, Arizona. I moved there by myself and at first I felt so alone. A few days later I drove to the temple in Mesa. Upon entering the temple a sweet peaceful feeling came over me and I knew that I was home. I was blessed many times with peace, comfort, and revelation in the Mesa Temple, and it still hold a special place in my heart because of the powerful witnesses I received in that particular temple.

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by Sara Barnard
I know the gospel is true. I am so grateful for the temple in my life. I don’t go there as often as I should, but I am very grateful to be sealed to my family. I have a friend and her husband who have been trying to have a baby for three years and couldn’t. They have been trying to adopt for two years and they finally became parents to a beautiful baby girl through adoption, and they were sealed yesterday in the temple. It has made me become very humble and grateful for all of the temples close to me and the opportunity to go and renew covenants and feel the Spirit. My New Year’s resolution is to attend the temple more often.

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I frequently struggle with depression and anxiety. When my life just gets too crazy I know it’s time to worship in the temple. Whenever I go my depression eases, my anxiety decreases, and I am filled with peace and power. I truly feel like my spirit is overcoming the struggles of my physical body. It is such a blessing to go to the temple and feel that peace pervade into all area of my life.

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by Heather Wykstra
I have never really done family history in the past. When my mom passed away suddenly four years ago I knew it was important to teach my children about her and how the temple has made us able to be with her again and forever. My mom had a great passion for family history which has made me want to dive in and learn more about my ancestors so I can in turn learn more about my incredible mother.

Steadfast in Christ Through My Storms

by Ariane Packer
When I was 25 years old my husband was called to serve as the bishop of our ward. I was young and inexperienced. While my husband served as the bishop I experienced my first bout of major depression. I did not want anyone to find out. I felt so humiliated and weak. The wife of other bishops seemed to be so strong; and then there was me. At the current time, I was not aware of any who had struggles like mine.

What I didn't realize to begin with is that depression didn't mean I was weak or inadequate, it meant that I was dealing with the trial of a mental disorder. The effects of this trial started to take a toll on my family, particularly my husband. He knew of the seemingly black hole that I was in, and he felt torn between the sacred role of a husband and the important role of a bishop. He recognized that we needed some additional help to get our family through this trial.

He told the Relief Society presidency of my struggles and they were so kind, loving, understanding, and were very instrumental in helping me make it through the darkness of that bout of depression. This was a very humbling experience for me but one that marked the beginning of my willingness to begin to share with others my trial of mental illness.

A few years after my first bout of clinical depression, I again was faced with the battle of depression. However, this time it was more severe than my first bout. As I experienced some of my darkest moments in the midst of depression, my emotions, feelings, and thoughts were distorted, making it difficult to feel the precious gift of the Holy Ghost and the constant and unconditional love of our Father in Heaven and our Savior, Jesus Christ. At times I felt numb as I sat in church meetings or listened to spiritual messages. I knew that I had a knowledge and testimony of these things, but I had a difficult time feeling the warmth and confirmation of the Holy Ghost.

I Choose Faith

by Tara Scott
My dear sisters. I have felt that I needed to share some things that have happened in my life in the past year or so. There is so much, that I have had a difficult time trying to figure out which things would be worth sharing, and what the best way would be to share them so that they can be used as a help for others.

In the past few months I had been told that I was losing my job. Another large company took over the one that I have worked at for the past six years. I was told that the other lady would be keeping her job, because she had seniority over me.

It became harder and harder to get up and want to go to work. But I kept telling myself that things were going to be okay.

"Well," I thought to myself, "things will work out," even though we knew that we would be sending a missionary out about August of 2013. The Lord has never let me down before.

I was told that my last day would most likely be in the next 60 to 80 days, depending upon the Hong Kong government, who would give the last approval of the sale of our company. "It's okay, " I thought, "I have some time to get things together and start looking for another job."

Things kept dragging out and the sale didn't happen for quite some time. I kept working as if I still had a job.

There were things that happened in those last months that were very frustrating and hurtful. It was coming to the end of the year, and still I was waiting to hear when my last day would be. It became harder and harder to get up and want to go to work. But I kept telling myself that things were going to be okay.

Finding Peace and Joy

by Debbie Allred
My journey of faith in Christ has been tested many times in my life. I know that there is not one person on this earth that has not had their faith tested at one time or another. We all have times when we struggle to find the faith to continue our journey here on this earth. I recall many times as a teenager looking to my parents and leaning on their faith in Christ when I didn't have a testimony of it for myself.

As I got older and moved away from home and began a family of my own that is when I found the journey to be a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. I had many challenges after having my first child with depression and physical illnesses that really challenged that faith in God and Christ. I never questioned the truthfulness of the gospel, but I did not have the firm and solid testimony that I knew I would need to raise my children in this world that is so full of hardships. 

That is when I really started my solid journey in searching for the kind of faith that I needed to beat my depression and also to become physically able to raise my children and serve the Lord in every way that I could. It has been a very hard journey but totally worth fighting for.

I started faithfully praying each day to receive strength from God and through reading scriptures, reading uplifting thoughts and quotes everyday, listening to good uplifting music (Paul Cardall) as well as going to the temple as often as I could. I found so much strength and peace when I would go to the temple. I looked forward to going there often. I love the temple so much; it has truly become a refuge for me. 

There is a quote my son had posted on his Facebook wall with many pictures of different temples around it that says, "The temples....are as a refuge from life's storms...Ever a never-failing beacon guiding us to safety (Pres. Thomas Monson)."  I truly have such a firm testimony that this is so true. I have no doubt that God knew we would need a place to go to strengthen us when we become weakened by the forces of life and this world that we live in. I know that my children have no doubt that I have a testimony of the temple and the great strength that temples can be to us.

From Depression to Joy and Consolation

"Most of us experience some measure of what the scriptures call “the furnace of affliction” (Isa. 48:10; 1 Ne. 20:10). Some are submerged in service to a disadvantaged family member. Others suffer the death of a loved one or the loss or postponement of a righteous goal like marriage or childbearing. Still others struggle with personal impairments or with feelings of rejection, inadequacy, or depression. Through the justice and mercy of a loving Father in Heaven, the refinement and sanctification possible through such experiences can help us achieve what God desires us to become' (Dallin H. Oaks, Ensign, October 2000)


by Jennifer Hughes

Depression is a topic that a lot of us feel uncomfortable talking about. Even those of us who struggle with it can wonder: Is it my fault? Is it a chemical or hormonal imbalance? Am I just not trying hard enough to feel good? Why do I have to endure this?

This is a sensitive and very personal topic, and I don't claim to have all the answers. Many books have been written about causes, effects, and treatments of depression, and this isn't the place for those discussions. I can only speak from my own experience--that what keeps me going each day is my faith in Jesus Christ and my knowledge that He knows the plan for my life and that there is a purpose for all of the refining pain we go through--that we come to know the Lord through our trials.  I pray that something I say might speak to you as I honestly share a little of how I deal with this ongoing struggle in my life.

This last spring I found that the effects of my antidepressant medication were wearing off. This has happened to me before and usually it means trying new medications and waiting and trying to figure out if I feel better or not. It can be a time-consuming and difficult process. I had been thinking a lot about the atonement and wondering if I was truly relying on Christ and His grace and trusting Him like I should. In answer to my prayers about what to do, I felt like instead of trying a different medication immediately that I needed to step out onto that ledge of faith and trust that the Lord would be there for me and carry me.