Serving Safe & Sound: You are Never Alone

Art by Emily Shay

Save the Date for our “Safe and Sound” Day of Service
September 10th from 9-11 am at the Stake Center (For ages 8 and up). 

When we're little, we’re usually afraid of the monsters in the closet, but as we grow up, we realize the true monsters live in our heads. Mental health is something I’ve struggled with for a little bit now, from low self esteem to suicidal thoughts, it’s certainly a trial I’ve been dealing with for a long time. For the first few years of this trial, I felt alone and I didn’t know how to properly deal with these terrible feelings I was experiencing, so I resorted to self harm. I felt no one could understand me, I would even say to myself “If there was really a God and he loved me, he wouldn’t do this to me, he wouldn’t let me feel this way.” It didn’t help that at the time I had a group of friends who were very hateful towards the church. They never ever encouraged me to hurt myself, however, they told me these feelings could be a result of me not being happy with my gender, and though it confused me, I believed them. As I tried to change myself by watching and listening to the media they told me about and changing my clothing style to look more masculine, I realized I still wasn’t happy, in fact, I was getting worse. I told my parents that I was getting better and that I wasn’t having suicidal thoughts or urges, but deep down I knew I was lying. I felt worthless, I felt hurt, I felt empty, and most of all, I felt alone. 

While I was at my worst, I prayed, even though I thought no one was on the other side listening to me, my dear mother always taught me to turn to prayer, because if you feel like you’re not worthy to pray, that’s the time you should pray the most. I got down on my knees and prayed through sobs. All the sudden, I had an urge to go on the church YouTube channel and watch a couple of the New Testament story YouTube videos. “Heh that’s weird.” I thought to myself “It’s not like it’ll make a difference.” I watched this video called “He is Risen.” As I was watching it, I got a feeling I hadn’t had in a really long time, I didn’t know what it was, but I knew it was important. I didn’t immediately start believing but slowly, as I watched more media put out by the church, I started to realize what was true. I realized that my old friends, though having cared about me, were not good for me specifically, or for my testimony. So though it was hard, I had to leave the group to save my testimony. I was alone for the while, and honestly I still wasn’t sure if the decision I made was right. After a little bit of time had passed, I started to find a new group where my beliefs were respected if not shared. I realized that this trial only made me stronger and that I was never alone in the first place, I just wasn’t looking for light in the right places. I was even sent a person who taught me that I am beautiful inside and out and that I was made in the perfect image. 

I can promise you that you are never alone. Remember when I mentioned monsters at the beginning? Sometimes, those monsters will overtake you and tell you that you are not enough, that you are worthless, and they might even say you need to change yourself. Although, the biggest lie they tell you; is that you’re alone. You are never alone! Christ knows exactly how you feel in perfect detail. He went through all your trials and pains and while he was suffering he thought of you and your life while feeling nothing but the most sincere, pure form of love. When this monster in our head surrounds us, he is always reaching out his hand, however, it’s our choice whether we choose to take it or not. I can say with no doubts that I am a precious, worthy daughter of God with a divine purpose. I can promise that you, yes you, listening to or reading this were made in a perfect image. You have more worth than you can comprehend and you are loved. Take his hand and let him destroy your monsters. Though the rules and laws we have seem hard, at the end of the day, the laws he gives are blessings that lead us to live better lives. Always remember, Christ is your guide through your maze of monsters and if you put in the effort to hear Him, you will be blessed.

- Meagan VanderToolen, Age 14, 37th Ward

I Had a Feeling I Never Had Before

These stories from youth show a love of family history and temple work and a resolve to live what they believe.

A few months ago I went to the temple to do baptisms for the dead. It was my first time. I have felt the Spirit many times but not like this. I will be holy and try to bring my cousin next time to share my experience.

*

by S.G.
I have been going to the temple and feeling the Spirit so strongly. My favorite Primary song is "I Love to See the Temple." Every time I hear the song I feel the Spirit. I know that through the temple I’ll be able to live with my family again. Knowing that is comforting because I love my family so much.

*

by A. A.
Standing up for what you believe is probably the hardest but most wonderful thing to do.

The Road Back Was Long and Difficult--But Worth It

Name Withheld
This story has never been shared before, but I hope that someday others may learn from my trials and mistakes.

In my junior year of high school, despite my better judgment, I began dating a boy who I knew had lower standards than what I had been taught and practiced as a member of the Church. I was just excited that someone had finally taken interest in me and made me feel special, comfortable and loved.

Although I did not realize it at the time, I was slowly being led down a slippery slope, and before I knew it, I had allowed what is considered most precious and sacred to be taken from me.  I felt numb and overwhelmed, and my mind flashed back to stories I had heard in Young Women regarding young ladies who lost their virtue and were seemingly no longer wanted or of good worth.

I convinced myself that this was the man that I was meant to be with.  I knew that if we could be married that in some way it would make what had happened all right. The relationship wasn’t perfect, but he had me, and he knew it.  He grew to become emotionally abusive.  I was kept under close watch and not allowed to do things on my own or with friends.  After some time I had no friends left and it was just the two of us.

I convinced myself that we were in love and our relationship was normal. In my mind, because of sins that were committed, leaving him was not an option.  I began to lose myself and do other things that I knew weren't right, since in my mind I had already committed a sin “second only to murder.”  I began to distance myself from the Church and anything that reminded me that I was doing things I was not supposed to.  I had no idea how wrong the way I was living was.

Women's Expo: Becoming an Eight-Cow Woman

Sharing Station Handouts
Becoming an Eight-Cow Woman
presented by Jean Toller

Click here for these notes in a PDF book.
Scroll below pictures for more information.
Pictures of sharing station:

Addiction, Forgiveness, and the Atonement

Name Withheld
When my husband and I were dating, he decided he had to tell me about his addiction to pornography. He was clearly embarrassed and repentant, and had been "sober" for some time. I was surprised but felt honored that he trusted me with this secret. If anything, I loved him more after that. This was a battle we were going to fight together. It was his past and we'd have to fight it, but we'd be fine. I wasn't so naive to think that it wouldn't cause strain in our relationship, but I didn't anticipate the heartache, anger, self doubt, and betrayal.

From MormonWoman.org

His sobriety lasted through our dating, engagement, and first three months or so of marriage. When he then admitted he had viewed pornography, I was felt so stupid. How did I not know what was happening in my own home? Was I not enough? I plunged into feelings of worthlessness.

I remember thinking, "He's such a good man. How can he do such a disgusting thing? He loves me. How can he do something so hurtful? Does he really love me?" I felt very alone. I respected the fact this was his secret to keep or share, but that left me with nobody to talk to. I was so hurt that I used anger to cope with the sorrow.

All of those feelings were mixed up with gratitude that he came to me with the truth and that he knew he was wrong. I was heartbroken that right when I needed comfort the most, I couldn't ask the man who stood at my side for a blessing of comfort. He was not worthy to use the Lord's priesthood. He knew it, and I could see how ashamed and sorrowful he was.

If the Savior Stood Beside Me, Would I Wear the Things I Wear?

by Jill Taylor
What a sweet experience it has been for the past several months to always have this thought on my mind: "If the Savior stood beside me." You need never wonder if He is there or not; the scriptures teach us that He is there--ever watchful, ever aware.

painting by Liz Lemon Swindle

Our Savior does stand beside us--but I also testify that He will and does stand closer as we strive to turn to Him in everything we do! And what a grand blessing that truly is! We have the opportunity to determine the distance that He will be by us! I love knowing that He is always there--always there! I love knowing even more that every single one of us get to choose! We hold the ability to keep that distance small, or, if we choose, that distance will be greater.

As we contemplate this question, “If the Savior stood beside me, would I say the things I say?” or “Would I do the things I do?” may I add another verse to this song? "If the Savior stood beside me, would I wear the things I wear?"

What an unspeakable gift that would be if our Savior did walk physically beside us. His light would undoubtedly penetrate our hearts and His divine influence would fill us with a desire to be pure--inside and out.

My mom has always been a shining example to me of modesty! She made it easy for me to want to dress modestly because she dressed modestly! When I was in college, we had another typical freezing cold Utah winter, and summer was finally just around the corner, and I needed a new swimsuit. I was taking a heavy load of classes and didn’t have time to make the drive back home to go shopping with my mom. At that time I was dating a young man, and our relationship was getting more serious. I told him that I was going to go to the mall and look for a swimsuit. He decided to join me, and off we headed.

Trust the Lord Enough to Follow His Plan for You

by President Alex Jensen
When Sister Packer asked me to speak to you this evening, I said no. I said, “I don't want to give a talk, but I would be delighted to share the impressions that will come into my heart as I listen and look out into the faces of the beautiful sisters in the stake, young and old.” I'm delighted to be able to do that for just a few brief moments.

From LDS.org

First, I want to make sure you understand that this fireside this evening has come by revelation from the Lord. It was done as I counseled together with the stake Relief Society, Young Women, and Primary presidents. I want to testify that this is of the Lord.

I hope that you have listened carefully tonight. As I looked out at your faces, I wish I had the power to communicate to you how your Father in Heaven sees you. You are a powerful force for good that literally has the ability to change the world. One of my greatest sadnesses is that oftentimes I am convinced that sisters of the Church don't recognize that in themselves, but I want you to know that it is true.

As I sat here this evening, into my mind came a quote from President Uchtdorf, remarks that he made in 2010 at the General Women's Conference: “We all search for happiness, and we all try to find our own 'happily ever after.' The truth is, God knows how to get there! And He has created a map for you; He knows the way. He is your beloved Heavenly Father, who seeks your good, your happiness. He desires with all the love of a perfect and pure Father that you reach your supernal destination. The map is available to all. It gives explicit directions of what to do and where to go to everyone who is striving to come unto Christ and 'stand as [a witness] of God at all times and in all things, and in all places.' All you have to do is trust your Heavenly Father. Trust Him enough to follow His plan.”

Modesty Leads to Spiritual Security

by Joelle Jenkins
We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, children of God. We are each “uniquely beautiful” young women, and we need not defile our bodies in dressing immodestly. We live in a world full of temptation. Dressing immodestly contributes to temptation and vain perversion of the world.

from lds.org

Modesty may seem like a minor part in our life here on earth, but it is vital to our survival on the path back to our Heavenly Father. Modesty leads to spiritual survival and security. It is vital in leading us to the temple and the blessing of receiving an eternal family. Dressing modestly can affect who we are and who we can become.

Modesty affects our identity. Dressing in something too short, too tight, or sleeveless does not show our Heavenly Father the proper respect we need to give our bodies. They are precious gifts from our loving Heavenly Father. Modesty helps us avoid diminishing our identity as a daughter of God. Sister Elaine S. Dalton has told us that “Modesty is a condition of the heart. It is an outward manifestation of an inner knowledge and commitment. It is an expression that we understand our identity as a daughter of God.”

Be Grateful for Who You Are

by Katie Messer, daughter of Bernadette Waldrop
(A Laurel in Young Women)
The other day a good friend decided to make a cake. It looked really, really good. The problem was she mixed up the quantity of sugar with salt. She put in a cup of salt and a teaspoon of sugar. It looked good to eat, but looks can be deceiving.

I mean look at my mom--she looks weak and fragile, but she’s full of spit and vinegar, as my Dindin would say, and won’t lie down and die. Just kidding--I love you mom! But now that you’re all listening… it’s back to the cake.

You can look at that cake and imagine how good it tastes, admire how much work was put into making it, and wish your cakes looked just as good when they were frosted and decorated. You look at the beauty of the cake, sneak a taste of the frosting as you “accidentally” brush by the cake, and think more envious thoughts toward the baker of this apparent divine culinary masterpiece.

But looks can be deceiving. Remember the salt and sugar mix up? One decent mouthful of that “culinary masterpiece” will have you spitting in your napkin or rushing to the porcelain masterpiece. Things just aren’t always what they seem.

I’ve found nowadays that we focus so much on the best qualities of others, and compare ourselves to those qualities thinking, “If only I was as good as so-and-so.” What you don’t know is that so-and-so is struggling with the same insecurities, wishing their talents away for the perceived talents, qualities, and looks of others. We constantly compare ourselves to others, thinking they are perfect and have it all together, when really there is only one who was perfect and had it all together, and that was Christ.

My Testimony Kept Me

by Ange Nelson
All of my life I have been blessed with the gift of knowing that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. It's never been something I questioned. Not to say that I've had an easy life, but as time goes on, I'm realizing more and more the blessing it is to just KNOW.

About a year ago, I was faced with a challenge from my childhood that I had kept hidden my whole life.

I was sexually abused.

It was a secret no one knew until last year. I hadn't told my parents, my husband, or anyone else in my life. For years in my heart I knew eventually this situation would need to be confronted and addressed, but another part of me thought that because somehow I had been able to forgive him, the rest could remain hidden.

There are lots of ramifications in life after suffering through abuse of that kind, a lot of which is unseen to most people. For me, it has been a lifetime of emotional battles. Never feeling good enough. Ever. In any circumstance. In any situation. Physically. Spiritually. I'm never good enough. Over and over this has played in my head for as long as I can remember.

It has always been easy for me to see the value in other people--to see others as true children of our Heavenly Father. To teach Primary children who they are and to look at the sisters in Relief Society and know they are daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves them has always come easy for me. What hasn't come so easily is to believe the same about myself.