Women's Conference Talk by Miriam Franson
I sat at a lunch recently with some dear friends who shared their discouragement with their college-age daughters’ struggles to find men to date who do not or have not had issues with pornography. They just don't want their daughters to have to deal with that! I am sure we all can relate to deep feelings of concern for how battles with addiction today affect not only now, but the marriages and families of our children and grandchildren.
As I sat at that lunch and in other circumstances where the question, “Can people really change? Truly overcome and begin new?” is wrestled with, I’ve wished I knew how to share my own depth of belief in the power of the Savior’s Atonement to do just that. I’ve felt His power help me move past things in my own life, and have seen it transform the lives of people I dearly love.
I have come to believe that there are many more hopeful stories than we realize sitting all around us, but out of loyalty, self-preservation, and a desire not to have it be the headline of life moving forward, we don’t hear them.
When a single friend of mine moved here from out of state, I asked her if there was anything tough for her about the move to Utah. She said, “I don’t know if people here really believe that the Atonement works. They talk about it, but do they really believe that it can change lives?”
Showing posts with label pornography. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pornography. Show all posts
Addiction, Forgiveness, and the Atonement
Name Withheld
When my husband and I were dating, he decided he had to tell me about his addiction to pornography. He was clearly embarrassed and repentant, and had been "sober" for some time. I was surprised but felt honored that he trusted me with this secret. If anything, I loved him more after that. This was a battle we were going to fight together. It was his past and we'd have to fight it, but we'd be fine. I wasn't so naive to think that it wouldn't cause strain in our relationship, but I didn't anticipate the heartache, anger, self doubt, and betrayal.
His sobriety lasted through our dating, engagement, and first three months or so of marriage. When he then admitted he had viewed pornography, I was felt so stupid. How did I not know what was happening in my own home? Was I not enough? I plunged into feelings of worthlessness.
I remember thinking, "He's such a good man. How can he do such a disgusting thing? He loves me. How can he do something so hurtful? Does he really love me?" I felt very alone. I respected the fact this was his secret to keep or share, but that left me with nobody to talk to. I was so hurt that I used anger to cope with the sorrow.
All of those feelings were mixed up with gratitude that he came to me with the truth and that he knew he was wrong. I was heartbroken that right when I needed comfort the most, I couldn't ask the man who stood at my side for a blessing of comfort. He was not worthy to use the Lord's priesthood. He knew it, and I could see how ashamed and sorrowful he was.
When my husband and I were dating, he decided he had to tell me about his addiction to pornography. He was clearly embarrassed and repentant, and had been "sober" for some time. I was surprised but felt honored that he trusted me with this secret. If anything, I loved him more after that. This was a battle we were going to fight together. It was his past and we'd have to fight it, but we'd be fine. I wasn't so naive to think that it wouldn't cause strain in our relationship, but I didn't anticipate the heartache, anger, self doubt, and betrayal.
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| From MormonWoman.org |
I remember thinking, "He's such a good man. How can he do such a disgusting thing? He loves me. How can he do something so hurtful? Does he really love me?" I felt very alone. I respected the fact this was his secret to keep or share, but that left me with nobody to talk to. I was so hurt that I used anger to cope with the sorrow.
All of those feelings were mixed up with gratitude that he came to me with the truth and that he knew he was wrong. I was heartbroken that right when I needed comfort the most, I couldn't ask the man who stood at my side for a blessing of comfort. He was not worthy to use the Lord's priesthood. He knew it, and I could see how ashamed and sorrowful he was.
We Are Never Alone
Labels:
infidelity,
Jesus Christ,
marriage,
pornography,
stories of faith,
temple
Early in my marriage, my husband underwent church disciplinary action for his involvement with pornography and other unresolved transgressions. I felt confused, wondering if I had been foolish to marry him. But I was reminded of distinct answers to prayers I had received and felt that this was indeed where I was supposed to be.
I wish I could recall where I read a quote about temple service that said while we are serving in the temple our families that are not in attendance with us are blessed and strengthened. I decided to put this promise to the test, and I was very faithful in attending the temple every two weeks and putting my husband's name on the prayer roll. We did make it past that trial in our marriage, and things seemed to be all in the past.
Many years and a couple of children later, our marriage was again rocked by the threat of infidelity. I felt so betrayed and hurt knowing how long this had been going on. I wish I could say that my previous experiences had strengthened me and prepared me, but unfortunately I don't feel like I handled this trial very faithfully. I was very angry and very slow to forgive.
Many years and a couple of children later, our marriage was again rocked by the threat of infidelity. I felt so betrayed and hurt knowing how long this had been going on. I wish I could say that my previous experiences had strengthened me and prepared me, but unfortunately I don't feel like I handled this trial very faithfully. I was very angry and very slow to forgive.
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